Just Wait for Me
by Yvaine-Star
Summary: Bellamy admits his love for Clarke, but Clarke isn't over Lexa. What ensues can only be called a dramatic mess. (Bellarke and Clexa, takes place after 'Join or Die').
_A/N: I like both Bellarke and Clexa so I needed to write this_

* * *

Bellamy didn't mean to blurt it out, he really, _really_ , didn't mean to. But he did, which was all he could focus on at that moment. Clarke had laughed at something he said, which lead to a moment of levity, next he knew, he said 'I love you.'

And then there was silence. From where he and Clarke sat, their faces were illuminated in the evening sunlight, their hair whipping around in the strong winds and the sound of crashing waves were all that was heard. When they first arrived on the rig, it was quite a sight to behold. Never had they seen water as far as the eye could see, never had they seen the ocean.

But Bellamy just had to go and ruin it with an admission he didn't want to admit. After all, he'd only just figured it out himself hours before. Hours! He knew from the moment he told Clarke to leave him alone and she stayedーcomforting him anywaysーthat he loved her. It was just he didn't want to say anything about it, not until it was right to say so. Because currently, admitting he loved Clarke was about the worst thing he could do. They all had so much on their plates what with the City of Light business and such. Not to mention, his own sister hated his guts. _He hated himself too, but for his sister to hate him was beyond painful._

So he waited for Clarke to respond in any way to what he said, and damn did it feel like an eternity had passed as he was patient for her.

He wasn't even sure what to expect because he doubted himself so much. He felt as though he could no longer discern what was the right thing to do apart from wrong. Maybe the mentality of 'doing what needs to be done,' wasn't the correct one anymore. And, of course, murdering 300 grounders added to that doubt because he thought it was the right thing to do at the time. Sometimes he still thought it was right every time he saw or heard of a grounder doing something brutal.

Or maybe there was no such thing as right anymore.

But none of that debate in Bellamy's head mattered the moment Clarke started to sputter.

"Bellamy, I... Iーthis isn't... I can't, there was Lexa and..."

 _Lexa?_

And with that, Clarke left her spot beside him and left the area as fast as humanly possible.

Clarke's reaction left Bellamy uncomprehending for a while. He simply sat there, letting the wind mess his hair up, because whatever reaction he was expecting from Clarke, that was not one of them. And why the hell did she mention Lexa? Did they once have something going on? The more he thought about it, there more it made sense. Clarke stood with Lexa even after she left them to fight for themselves in Mount Weather.

Bellamy was still unbelievably upset at the commander for that, but it appeared Clarke wasn't upset at all. How did she forgive so easily?

Either way, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that Clarke was upset, and Bellamy needed to right the situation, no matter how awkward. Even worse, Bellamy felt a slight sting of rejection, but over that sting was an even stronger feeling; worry. Clarke hadn't been the same since she came back from Polis after being captured, that was for sure. But what had happened? Why did Clarke seem distant at all times? Bellamy could clearly recall a moment when they were sitting in the car togetherーjust him, Clarke, Octavia and Jasperーand he'd looked over to Clarke while they were discussing an issue only to see her with tears gathering in her eyes. At the time, he'd assumed she felt upset because her mom was under Allie's influence, but now it was apparent there was more going on than that.

And it definitely had something to do with the previous grounder commander. The way Clarke was so concerned with that AI chip made so much sense now.

Bellamy had to go fix the problem he'd created immediately.

He gathered the strength to stand up from where he and Clarke had been sitting on the ledge and prepared himself to go find her, wiping the dirt from his pants.

Bellamy cautiously passed through the grounders, not quite sure that to think of them still. He didn't trust them, not one bit. But he didn't think they meant any harm either. After wading through the grounders for a while, Bellamy caught sight of Octavia. He knew she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, but he had to find Clarke.

"Octavia!" Bellamy called.

"What do you want?" She snapped at him.

"Have you seen Clarke?" He asked, ignoring the pain he felt shoot through him at the tone his sister used.

"Yeah, she came over here crying. What'd you mess up this time?" Octavia scathingly said, crossing her arms.

Bellamy wanted to respond to her because he'd done nothing to cause harm to Clarkeーintentionally, he supposed. Maybe that was all he was good at; hurting people. Even if he never meant to. By God, if he wasn't the worst person ever. All he'd done was kill, kill, and kill just to help others. Maybe he didn't deserve Clarke because at least she saved people.

"Justー" Bellamy stopped himself from saying something that could potentially make her more angry than she already was. "I need to know where Clarke is."

Octavia rolled her eyes at him and pointed in a general direction. Understanding that was the most he was going to get from her, Bellamy went to look for Clarke in the area Octavia pointed to.

"Thanks, O," Bellamy told her, knowing full well he wouldn't get a response back.

So he left without saying another word to his sister and went to look for Clarke again.

* * *

As soon as the door behind her slammed shut, Clarke allowed the first sob to escape her mouth. Bellamy's confession brought back her feelings for Lexa in full force, with the same intensity they'd been at when Lexa died. Her heart had been torn to shreds and stomped on all in a matter of six days to the point where she didn't even know what to feel anymore.

Her mom was under an AI's control, Lexa was dead and now Bellamy loved her when she couldn't return his feelings back. Not then, anyways. Not so close to Lexa's death. Clarke understood that Bellamy couldn't possibly know about what had gone down in Polis, which made her feel even worse.

He didn't know why she had run away with only stutters for a response. But it'd all been too much the second Lexa's name had come up. Clarke couldn't explain to him that they'd been in a relationship. For one thing, just talking about Lexa in that way was too painful. Secondly, it certainly didn't seem like the appropriate time to tell him about her and Lexa's relationship after he'd just confessed something like that.

And perhaps, worst of all, Clarke felt something for Bellamy too. She always had, just not to the degree she felt currently. And yet, there was no way she'd get into a relationship with Bellamy. Not until she'd healed enough from Lexa's deathーwhich would understandably take a while.

So maybe she owed Bellamy an explanation. He at least deserved that.

* * *

Bellamy had finally found out where Clarke had gone once a grounder told him exactly where she'd gone. Apparently she was somewhere beyond the rusty door he was currently standing in front of. Not sure of what he'd find inside, Bellamy cautiously opened the heavy door. Inside, the hallway was dark and damp with no one in sight.

Bellamy closed the door behind himself before tentatively calling out Clarke's name. He heard no answer, so he continued down the hallway looking in at the empty rooms.

"Clarke?" Bellamy called out again, this time, more quietly.

"I'm here," Bellamy heard her reply shakily.

 _Oh no_.

Bellamy followed her voice to a dimly lit room where she sat with her knees up against her chest.

"Are you okay?" Bellamy asked cautiously.

"It depends on your definition of okay, but yeah. I think I am. Besides, I think I owe you an explanation."

Bellamy tensed up momentarily, waiting for the rejection to come, but none did. So instead, he looked at Clarke inquisitively.

"I think I need to tell you what happened between me and Lexa, starting before Mount Weather. She trusted me with so much and looked at me with a lot of respect and we... We got closer until one day she kissed me. I kissed her back, but I still wasn't over Finn. She's done a lot of bad things, Bellamy, but I have too. We all have."

"But what happened next?" Bellamy asked.

"Lexa issued a command to capture 'Wanheda.' You know what happened with the whole situation when I was kidnapped. Prince Roanーor King Roan nowーbrought me to Lexa because she wanted to ensure my safety from the Ice Nation. At first, I was furious at Lexa for leaving us at Mount Weather and then ordering my capture, but I forgave her after a while. She only wanted me to be safe and I think that she regretted what happened at Mount Weather," Clarke further explained.

Bellamy took a moment to consider Clarke's words. He had no idea how the grounder's commander was outside her role. Maybe Clarke saw something he didn't see. "But that's not all," he stated.

"No, it isn't. Things only got worse after you... After the death of the 300 warriors sent to protect us. Lexa didn't want me to go back to Arcadia because she was afraid I'd be hurt or captured, so she wanted to take me back to Polis. I refused because I needed to make the relationship between our two nations right. When I got back to Polis, I convinced Lexa that the only way all the wars will stop is if we don't take revenge on others. She agreed and we... I think I loved her Bellamy," Clarke said, her voice breaking before she started crying again.

Bellamy, who was still astonished by Clarke's confession, looked past his own pain and simply held her while she cried just as she had done for him the night before. Even if she didn't return his feelings, this was enough for him. Before they were anything else, they were friends.

"How did she die, Clarke?" Bellamy asked, knowing that Clarke needed to verbally admit it.

"Murphy was thereーI don't know howーand Titus, Lexa's advisor, thought that I needed to go because I was 'influencing' Lexa too much. He was going to frame my death on Murphy but I moved the gun out of the way before he could take the shot and- and- it hit Lexa."

"Clarke, it's not your fault," Bellamy comforted.

"I know, I know, I just can't stand to think about what would have happened if I hadn't moved the gun."

Bellamy breathed in deeply. "Lexa would've thought that one of our own killed you and then she'd send an army to kill everyone from the arc. Either way, nothing good would have come from it."

"I know, Bellamy. But thank you," she said softly, giving a faint smile. "If you could just wait for me, I'll be there for you," with that, Clarke kissed Bellamy on the forehead and took her exit.

And after everything that had transpired that day, especially after Clarke's story, Bellamy was not expecting that response.

"Just wait for me?" Bellamy echoed.

So he thought on those four words for the rest of the day.


End file.
